By Ashelyn Lee
Never regret your past.
Rather, embrace it as the teacher that it is.
– Robin Sharma
Last year on 25 Feb 2011, I attended Mind Transformations’ NLP Practitioner Certification Course.
The outcomes I wanted to achieve were :
- To become more aware of my mental states and emotions, so that I can learn to be more patient and calm.
- To overcome my phobia of cockcroaches.
- To be able to communicate more effectively with people and influence them positively.
Why I decided to learn NLP
My friend and mentor Mei Yen always appear calm and composed, yet she is able to influence people and command respect. While I thought it could be due to her spiritual practice, I also knew that she is also an NLP Practitioner. Therefore I wanted to give NLP a go.
I have tried many ways to be a better mother, wife and leader but am always limited by my impatience.
Through NLP, I wished to learn the tools and skills that will drive my actions towards my desirable outcomes and also sustain them.
What have I achieved after a year and what evidences do I have?
1. I was complimented during my 2 jobs interviews and was offered job positions.
– I used mirroring, pacing and leading to build rapport with my interviewers.
(Previously, I did not realise the importance of observation and pacing in a conversation.)
2. I have overcome my fear of cockcroaches. I caught them alive and disposed them.
– I used NLP SWISH pattern, pre-framing and anchoring.
(I used to shout and jump when there are flying insects around me due to previous bad experiences.)
3. I have neutralized the negative thoughts and feelings (hatred) towards one of my relatives.
In recent gatherings, I was even able to have short conversations with her, which to me is already a success.
– I applied NLP Collapsing Anchors in my daily meditation process. By collapsing the negativity with my religious values / metaphors, I was finally able to overcome this long outstanding feeling.
(Previously, just mentioning her name will get on my nerves!)
4. I was almost able to complete my first full marathon (38km), the longest distance I have ever ran.
– I used the technique of New Behavior Generator before all my practice runs. Although I did not complete the full 42km, I thoroughly enjoyed the process of learning and unlearning. Also, I am able to accept that this is not a ‘failure’, but feedback!
5. I have enjoyed communicating effectively and influencing different groups of people in my workplace.
All my proposals have been accepted by the company management which is known to be challenging. Also, I am able to build trust between several staff and myself, through sincerity and clear intentions, instead of using my authority.
– Always set intentions and outcomes in every conversations with others. Pace, lead and influence them to share openly and understand what they want. Talking to people that are not on the “same frequency” as me is no longer a chore, and I am always thinking of ways to influence positively in my own little ways.
(Previously, I neither pre-framed nor built rapport in my conversations with people; being always task orientated, even though tasks are completed, it was not through influencing but through authority. Hence, there was lack of ownership and results were not sustainable.)
Besides the above, I have seen my relationship with my husband and children improved.
I am more aware of my emotional states, therefore I can better manage my temper, and communicate more effectively with them. There were times I still lost my temper, but I am now able to acknowledge and reflect on the reasons and move on. There is no failure, only feedback!
I am not there yet but more importantly, I am now more confident, and have found joy and peace to continue my life-long learning journey.
I know that as long as I keep doing the below, I will reach my goals sooner than later.
- Daily intention setting and self-acknowledgement.
- Continued practice of the NLP techniques I have learnt.
- Keep in contact with friends who have walked this NLP journey with me; they are my eye, ears and mentors.
I look forward to the day my family members and friends approach me to congratulate me on my transformations.
Currently (March 2012), my husband is also attending the NLP course. We will have many more interesting interactions together (we always have!) after he completes it. I am confident that we will able to achieve our life goals together, more effectively and with greater alignment.
To all my friends who have yet to engage yourself in this transformational learning journey, I beseech you to do so!